Questions without answers!

How can you say you love someone when you never loved them? How can you just care for someone you never loved? How can you kick off someone entirely from your life when you used to cry with them all night? How can you watch someone crying and breaking into tiny pieces every single moment when you know that person love you with all his heart? How can someone change this much? How can you give up on such person? How can you block them from everywhere? How can you watch them ruining their life? How can you watch them seriously getting more and more depressed when you know yourself  how seriously bad depression strikes. How can you just leave them knowing they can do any serious stupid act? How can you just kick them off? How can you not really miss them? How? And why? How can you be happy with someone else, knowing that the person you once with can give up on his life at any moment.

You only live once!

They say life’s made of good small moments which you create with very special people around you, but they never told you how exactly it feels when those people leave you for some reasons and even after you apologised thousands of times, all they want from you is to leave them alone. That’s where when all those small moments strikes you hard when you’re in your bed trying to sleep but all those moments are what you’re left with. When you listen to the music you once shared with eachother and all those lyrics you used to send, that’s where all those moments strikes you hard again, but you cannot do anything except grieving the fact that all the people around you are temporary and they all are gonna leave tomorrow or some other day because no matter what people and their priorities change. No matter how good you are, you’ll always be replaced. You’re too young to be hurt. Doesn’t this thought sadden and scare you the most that you’ll become ugly to someone who once thought that all the stars were in your eyes? It hurts when you’re in your room and there’s no light but only darkness and you wonder is there someone who’s actually thinking about me right now, maybe pondering over how I’ve been doing these days or how I’ve been feeling. When you fall down from all these thoughts you soon realize that in the end you need to admit the fact that every single person is busy in their life and their problems. That this world isn’t a place to involve your emotions. That the only way to live your life happily is without getting your emotions involved with anyone around you. Because once you’ll get attached to someone, you’ll end up hurting yourself. Because someday that person will replace you with some other person and you’ll grieve the fact that your life isn’t the same as it was once, happy. You’ll start thinking how people exactly change. You won’t get any answer when you’ll see them happy in their life. They’ll disappoint your feelings when you’ll ask them to make things right. They’ll block you from everywhere. And in the end you’ll have nothing, but only regrets. Learning to pick yourself up after going through such situation is an important thing that no one will ever teach you. So ask yourself, is this all worth your happiness? Are you happy with the life you’re living? That is your life a question mark for yourself? I know loneliness is what kills you inside but at some point you’ve to stop being so sad and angry on yourself. You’ve to stop killing your happiness. At some point you’ve to just let it go. Trust me I know letting go isn’t easy. I know your heart is heavy. But you’ve to try. You’ve to try until you’ll let it all go. At some point you’ve to be happy for yourself and for your family. At some point you’ve to spread love instead of being afraid of it. You’ve to love yourself and everyone around you before it’s too late. Don’t waste away being unhappy. Do not go back to the people who hurt you expecting to find healing. Let yourself move to the next chapter in life when the time comes. Don’t remain stuck on the same page. Don’t do it. Don’t do it to yourself and don’t let other people do it to you. Just keep moving forward and don’t give a shit about what anybody thinks. Do what you’ve to do, for you. Give no fucks and take no shit. This is the path to inner peace.

Dead.

Well out there are so many really really good writers who’ll really help you guys to be positive in your life but hey wait. I’m not one of them. I’m so fucking negative. I only believe on reality. So you better stop reading it right now or just face the truth that no one’s out there who really loves you unconditionally. That’s just a myth. Stop believing that good will happen to you eventually. No it will not unless you’ll work for it. If you want something go get it before some other fucker get it. Life works this way. Everyone’s living their own life. You want happiness? Hello ladies and gentlemen. Work hard. Get rich and you’ll be happy. Yes money can bring happiness. I’m fucking tired of these people posting lame stuff such as money can’t buy happiness. Like seriously? Don’t you want a big house? Don’t you want a sexy car and a bitch inside? Don’t you want to give treats to your friends for no fucking reason? Think practically. Life do not really depends upon some good words. Get rich. Get high. Do some drugs. Fly high. Life’s beautiful if you’ll enjoy it your way. Stop depending on people out there. No seriously no one cares for you. You’ll die anyway. Maybe you’ll get into an accident. Maybe you’ll die from a heartattack. Who knows if you’ll get a cancer or some other horrible disease? Do everything before you’ll die. Fuck everyone. Except few of your friends everyone’s gonna forget you after few days or a month of your death so better live your life your way.  Stop telling them that drugs are wrong. Stop telling them that you’re not worth anything. Don’t listen to them. They all are just assholes. They all are just thinking about the ways to fulfill their wishes. Key to the success is to care about yourself. Oh you want to be a good person like the heroes in the novels? Dude. Ever saw anyone like them around you? Humans are just pretending. They all are liars. They all will hurt you at some point of your life. You need to wake up. You need to think about what you want. You need patience. You need strategies. Start fucking people. Stop caring. This will get you nothing. Start thinking practically. Life’s too short. Start living it. The less you’ll care, the more you’ll enjoy your life. You really want to love someone? Love your family. No one else. Human beings are just human beings. Fools and judgmental. Sick. They have nothing to do. You’ll surely disagree to whatever I said. But I’m very sure at some point of your life, you’re going to agree. Because then you’ll be able to see what life really is. How exactly it works. And how exactly it’s going to fuck you up unless you won’t let it fuck you. Until then, stay blind and fuck off.

What is life?

I want to cry. But I’m unable to. What’s wrong with my life? What’s going on? What’s there in my future? Is it dark? Or is it bright? What’s it which is coming but I’ve no idea? I’m afraid of failure. I don’t want to be a failure. But it seems like I’ve no future. I’ve nothing which I can show to world. I’m losing my confidence. There’s something missing in my life. I don’t know what is happiness to me. My life is getting messier day by day. Can I do anything about this? Anything which can make my life better? I’ve so many questions but I’ve no one who can answer them. Not a single person. Is life like this? Is it mean to everyone? Or is it just me? I can see people are happy in their life. Are they faking it or are they really happy? There’s something missing. Something very big. I’ve seen legends. I’ve read about them. They all went through their worst time. But it seems like I cannot even compete my time with theirs. So am I going to face worst than this? Then how’s life expectating me to react? I’m trying my best to fake. I’m doing this from a long time. But I’m really very tired now. I don’t want to do this anymore. I just want to quit. I want to relax. I want to live my life. I want to relax. But I don’t know what to do. I’ve so many questions but I’ve no one who can answer them. Is there someone who can help me in this? I’m tired of people around me. I’m tired of this society. I feel like I’m a depressed piece of shit. I’ve no worth. I’ve no respect. There’s no one who actually cares about me. Who actually cares if I’m happy or not. I want someone. Someone who’s very different. Someone who’s not from here. Maybe God. I want God. I want Him to answer me. I want him to guide me. I want him to tell me how to react. I want him to tell me that what I’m lacking in. I want Him. I want Him here. He’s here. But I cannot question Him. Though I’ve so many questions. But I’m unable to listen to Him. I’m getting weird. I’m getting crazy. Is there someone who can help me out in this? Is there someone who’s going through the same? Is there someone who actually understands what I’m feeling while writing this? I guess no. There’s no one. I’m alone. I’m only going with the flow. I can only hope that I’ll get stronger one day. I’m weak today. I’ll do it. Today isn’t my day. But my day will come. I’m waiting for it desperately. Though I’m very tired now. I don’t know how’ll I go through it. But I’ve no other option. I have to. I will. And I will.

Fikar-e-Azaazeel

Hay guzarish ke ab ke tu palat ke dekh,
Dil jalta nahi? Yaad aati nahi?

Meine socha jo bura woh bura nahi,
Bura toh woh jo aag raha.

Yeh dunia, yeh qafile, yeh naslein, yeh shan,
Hay faani zarur, tujhe gilaa nahi?

Jo khoya toh jaana ke mila bohot?
Zaat deti rahi, shukur kera nahi.

Jo khoya toh jaana ke mila bohot?
Dil ruswa nahi? Waqt ruka nahi?

Kia khoob thi kismat iblees teri,
Kia kera tune, kabhi socha nahi?

Aik sajda jo tujhe hukum hua,
Hoti haseen bohot, yeh naslein sab he.

Hay guzarish ke ab ke tu palat ke dekh,
Dil jalta nahi? Yaad aati nahi?

Ker fikar ke hashar ab duur nahi,
Jo wakt kabhi yeh ruka nahi.

-Shaheer.

So many regrets, so less time.

Have you ever thought about how exactly time travels? It travels so fast that one can’t even figure out what exactly happened. First comes your childhood, then you’re suddenly a teenager and then? A mature person. What were you in your childhood? You don’t remember? Or do you?  Maybe you were too naughty or maybe you were like those boring kids but still childhood was way better and easy. No? When you didn’t
really have to worry about anything. You just used to feel the company of nature and your toys. When you used to sleep on a couch and wake up on your bed. When you used to play different games with friends out there. When there was no technology in your hands. When there was only love around you, the real love. You loved your friends unconditionally and they loved you back the same way. But time flies really fast. It sucks I know. But that’s the rule of nature. Time won’t stop. Time won’t comeback ever. You can only have memories. You can only have regrets. But you can’t go back or freeze it. So you can only miss your childhood because you were really innocent then.
But then came your teenager phase. Oh the teenager phase! When you used to have a list of crushes, bunch of music cassettes along with a walkman, movie DvDs, shades and cigarette packets to impress girls around you. When you used to hang out with your friends. When you used to play your favourite video games 24/7. When you used to cry over the stuff you can’t control. When you used to have little fights with your parents and siblings. When life was kind of easy and tough at the same time. When you didn’t know that the simple four words containing four alphabets can turn your whole life upside down. Love, lust, luck and beer. When you started to realise that there’s this thing called love. Love; The most dangerous yet the most beautiful thing you have ever experienced. You saw this pretty girl somewhere and you fell in love with her in that moment. You wanted to keep watching her. You decided to tell her about your feelings. You were so afraid but within time you managed to make her your friend, then best friend and then? And then you two were a thing. A beautiful thing. A bond. An unit. You two had something you never had before. That was love. You guys used to talk every second of the day. You were so innocent that she literally taught you about french kissing on mobile phone. Haha! It was special for you. You guys cared for each other. A lot of people told you that she’s going to leave you for someone else but you knew she won’t because she loved you and you loved her. But time do fly. Why does it fly? You can’t get the answer. You can’t really forget the moment she told you that she don’t really love you anymore. You can’t really forget the time you cried for her. All the things you did for her. You left your friends for her. You left your video games for her. You left literally everything for her. But it was too late to realise this. So you kept dying inside while faking your smile. You tried to move on. You failed. You got used to of it. You made new friends. They were so into drugs and music. You felt good with them. You started to hangout with them. You called them your brothers. You did drugs with them. You were starting to forget your past. You were at peace. But then came a girl. You were so fucking innocent that you let her used you so many times. You thought she was your best friend. But she wasn’t. She created this misunderstanding between you and your friends like brothers. Your friends didn’t believed you. You were a liar to them because of that girl. You trusted a girl for second time. Now you had another regret. Teenager life wasn’t really easy, I understand. You decided to be alone in your life. But loneliness was killing you inside.
But then came a girl. You thought you two can be friends. You decided to make her your friend. You two started to get close. At that stage you weren’t going to trust any girl because of your past experiences. But then one day she confessed about her feelings for you. You knew she wasn’t lying but deep inside you had doubts. You got in relationship with her but you left her because you did not want to get hurt again. You did hurt her. You guys broke up. You guys patched things up and this happened for many times. But then one day you decided to leave her for permanent time period just because you didn’t want yourself to get hurt again. So you’re here alone again for one more time. But drugs were there for you. You started to rely on them. And then one day out of the blue an old friend contacted you. You met him. You found him the same person like you. This teenager phase of you two was coming to an end and you guys enjoyed it with an ecstasy.
So you’re a bachelor now and you’ve a friend. You’re not alone. You guys smoked up together. You guys partied together. Life was good but you never realised that these drugs were making you a bad person. The side effects created this negativity in your mind. You got depressed. You used to feel lust for most of the girls out there. You were bounded to religion or else you were gonna end up yourself in making fake love with a girl for the sake of your desires. You started to become a frustrated person. But then came a girl in your life. Another girl. Same old boring life. But that girl was kind of a person you’ve never met. A person one can only dream about. A girl who was so pure and innocent. A girl who was so beautiful that you’ve never seen such beauty before. A girl who’ve a same beautiful heart like her beautiful face. You made her your friend. Your best friend. She supported you. She said nothing when you told here about your drug addiction. Then one day you told her about side effects of your drug addiction which was sexual frustration. You guys were so close. She was so pure. She was an old school. She hated modern stuff such as making out. She was so into marriage. But you were so sexually frustrated. But still you loved her. You respected her. You decided to make her your beautiful wife. But that drug addiction wasn’t in your control. You used to fight with yourself. You used to fight with your frustrations. You were so depressed. You were all alone. You did everything just to keep her happy. You knew you were not the right guy for her. You knew you were the worst person ever. You knew that drugs are overtaking your sexual needs. But still you kept on fighting for her. You tried your best. No one could understand what you were going through. You were all alone. You tried so many times to stop yourself from taking drugs. You were a virgin. Your friends tried so many times to get you laid. But you didn’t. Because you loved that girl. Because she was a family to you. Because she was so important that you tried to overcome your drugs addiction.
And then one day a desperate girl like you approached on some social media website. You talked to her. You were so high. She seduced you on her camera. It was so addictive that you started to think that it’s okay to fulfill your sexual needs by this mean. You knew it was wrong. You knew you were cheating your girl. But you had no other option. Nobody knew what you were going through. Nobody would understand. Nobody was there for you. She was there in your hard time when you were depressed. She was there in your good days. But whenever you had those sexual feelings, she wasn’t there for you. Because she wasn’t into such stuff. And you said nothing because you never wanted to force her for anything. You loved her. You loved her by all your heart. You’d do anything for her. You’d do anything to make her yours. But deep inside you knew that karma happens. That the stuff you used to do with the girl who was as desperate as like you, will cause you harm at some point. And one morning you were so depressed. You felt so much guilt that you confessed everything to your girl. The girl whom you loved so much. The girl who was your family. The girl for whom you were so overprotective. The girl who was your world, your everything. That girl didn’t understood you at that moment. You were so broke. You wanted to be a better person for her. You told her so many times that you’re very sexually frustrated. You were a virgin just because of her. All your friends were getting laid. You knew the society you were living in, and everything, but still you tried your best for her. That person didn’t understand you at that moment.  She cried. You broke her trust. Obviously you did. You did wrong. But you had guilt. But guilt wasn’t enough. You loved her. But love wasn’t enough. You trusted her. But trust wasn’t enough. You kept on thinking that it was a dream. But it wasn’t really a dream. It was reality. She told you that you cheated and that you were a liar. That you’re not a person one can trust. And then you heard And it felt like the day of judgement. You started to cry. But you kept on holding your tears. Because you didn’t want her to tell that you were crying. Because tears wasn’t enough. Because you did something terrible. Something which can’t be forgive, no matter you’re ashamed of it or not. You were ashamed of your acts. But it wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough. You started to realise you were at same point you were once in your teenage life. You realised time do fly. You cried. You were unable to stop your tears. They came out like a sudden rain in a dessert. You realised that you were not going to get her back ever. You realised that you bow whatever you sow. That this everything was happening because of your deeds. You realised that you were never a good person. You realised that you came in this world and you’ll die alone. That life has a strange way to prove us wrong. That you’re not going to fall in love for anyone again. That you’re only going to live your life now like a mature person. That you can’t really play with time. Because time is something one can only spend. You knew that you had this strange pain in your heart but one day it’ll fade away with time. You’ll get used to of it. But wait that girl was not like others. She wasn’t really like other girls out there. And then out of the blue she texted you that she forgave you. That she’ll stay with you. She told you not to do such thing again. You made a promise to yourself that you won’t ever do such thing again in your life. You made a promise that you’ll keep her happy. That you won’t break her trust ever again. You realised that the life you have is a blessing. That the girl you’ve is more than a blessing. You can’t really play with the time. But you can take care of it. You can take care of your time by not really wasting it on the stuff which will cause you harm here or in afterlife. Because time is priceless. Because it travels so fast. Because you can’t own it but you can use it wisely. Because it has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters. Because it can’t be recovered when it’s gone. Because it’s precious. Because it’s what we want the most, but what we use worst. Because once you’ve lost it, you can never get it back.

The irony of friendship.

Life’s beautiful. You’ve friends around you. They love you. You guys eat together, smoke together and party together. Can you imagine your life without these friends like brothers? You guys are so close. You guys share most of your time together. They respect you. You respect them. Your dad is a successful person. He’s investing on you. You’ve a luxurious life. But he have responsibilities. You’re growing up. You need more pocket money now. But now he’s unable to give you what you want every single time: MONEY! Money is fucking important. You know what’s your worth when you’ve pocket full of cash? You can have fun with your friends. Eat, smoke and party. But hey wait. Your dad is unable to give you enough pocket money now. What’re you going to do now? Let’s just tell this to your friends like brothers.

-Hey dude how’re you?
-I’m good buddy. Where’re you? Let’s party tonight?
-Yeah man I’m in. But there’s a problem. I don’t have enough cash this time.
-Hey it’s okay. Don’t you worry. Just come.
-I love you bro. See ya tonight.

It’s 8pm. Leave for your friend’s place now. So finally you guys are partying together. You’ve a beautiful life I told you earlier. So you’re tired now. Sleep well!
Your time is passing really fast. A month. Then a month. It’s been 3 months now, man. Your dad isn’t giving you enough pocket money and a party is coming on Saturday. Wait what? You’re going to tell this to your friends? No you’re not. You’re going to ask your dad for money.

-Dad I’m going at picnic with friends. I need 4000rs.
-But son I don’t have enough cash now. Business isn’t working as it used to be. I’ll give you some other day.
-But dad you’re saying this same thing from past 3 months. If your business is not really in working, why exactly you’re doing this business?
-Son don’t argue. I don’t have enough money. I’ve to run this house. I’ve to pay for your studies. What about your siblings? They’re also studying. Plus eid is coming. There are a lot of problems these days.
-Dad you know my friends are supporting me more than you these days.
-Son go out with them. Have fun with them. But just tell them for once, that my father asked me to leave the house. Can I share your room? No friend of you is going to support you for more than a week.

Now what? You’re angry at your father? Yeah you are. He is a drama queen right? Yeah! He is. Your friend is calling you. Pick up his call.

-Hey bro. Sup?
-Nothing much bro.
-Ahan. You’re coming next Saturday right?
-Yeah bro.
-Don’t forget cash.
(WAIT. YOUR FRIEND JUST REMINDED YOU ABOUT CASH. )
-Umm yeah bro. But I don’t have enough cash.
-Bro pill is of 2500. Entry is 2000. Then you’ll have redbull and water.
-But bro I only have 1500
-Oh. Bro. Seriously? If you really want to have fun with us, have some enough cash with you. Bye.

Wow. He was your friend right? With whom you smoked. With whom you ate. With whom you had fun at parties. He was a brother according to you, right? But brothers do understand you. What about your friends? They’re not understanding. They’ve enough money. They’re rich. You’re not. You’ll be. But they’re not understanding you now. Why? I know you were having fun on their money from past few months. But what about now? They’re tired of you now?
My friend you came alone. You’ll die alone. This world is mad. People are sad. Life’s a bitch and then you die so fuck the world and start living your life on your own. You don’t have enough money to party? To have fun? Think about the people who’re dying because of electricity loadshedding? Who’re dying because of poverty. At least you’ve a shelter on your head. You’ve a luxurious bed to sleep. You’ve fresh food to eat. You’re studying in a well known institution. No body is here for you. No body will care wether you’ll live or die. They’ll come at your funeral. They’ll share their shoulders. But then they’ll forget you like you never existed. No body is living for you. So start living for yourself. So that you can get self satisfaction. Trust me when you’ll get that satisfaction, you’re definitely going to start living your life for others. That’s where you’ll find God. Life’s a bitch. Make it heaven for you. Do not have regrets. Live it as you’re the happiest person on this planet.

 

“The realist person do not have a lot of friends. ” -Tupac

Answers to my questions!

Who am I? A human being? If yes then beautiful one? Or an ugly one? What’s the purpose of my life? To cry over things I can’t control? To let go of my past? To know that there are people who don’t really care wether I live or die? Is it only me? Or are there other people like me? Crying over stuff they can’t control. I don’t understand this. These questions aren’t really helping me.
People do change but what about those moments they spent with you? What about those feelings which made you special? Life’s not as it seems. They told me to fall in love, fall out of love. Fall in love, fall out of love. Until you get to know what true love feels like. But is there any such thing like true love? Or is it only exist in books? I’m done with humans. I’m done with love. Only love I know is love for yourself. But I don’t exactly know how to love myself. These questions, these thoughts, they’re frustrating me. I feel like I’m sleep paralysed. I can’t do anything. I can’t change anything. I have zero control on myself. I’m so used to of this pain that at this stage I can’t even imagine my life without it. This pain, these strange feelings are so addictive.
But then I realised that the answers to my questions are in nature. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. And if you’re ever feeling lonely, just look at the moon. Never stop looking up. Because they says the moon sees your soul. It has a dark side. It is all alone in a sea of stars. Be like it. Give light to others. That’s what the purpose of our life is. The home we seek is in eternity. You want to find God? Go help His fellowmen. Make someone’s day. Stop taking things for granted. Live for something. Live for yourself. Share something wonderful. Spread happiness.
I’ve seen enough hatred in the eyes of so many humans. I’ve seen sinners crying for forgiveness. I’ve seen saints laughing on others. I’ve seen shame in the eyes of so many prostitutes. You can’t judge anyone’s character. Stop judging people around you. Because you can’t really know what type of person they are. We only love the good people around us but up there is someone, who loves all of us. Don’t judge his creation. Let go of the things. Let go of your past. Stop expecting from others. No body is here for you. Everybody is living for themselves. So be different and live for others. But just don’t expect anything in return. Meet new people. Follow your dreams. Live your life to its full potential. So that maybe one day when you’ll be in your 50s, you’ll look back while smiling with no regrets.

A lot of time

Alot of time they were asking about me,
A lot of time they were talking shit to me.
A lot of time they want to know the truth,
A lot of time I can’t tell them the truth.
Coz its inappropriate to share that with them,
Coz I know that they will judge me in the end.
A lot of time I cant tell them what they need,
Coz I won’t share until I get what I need.
A lot of time, a lot of time,
A lot of time, A lot of fuckin time.

P.S Never tried writing a poem. Thank you.

Teesri Dhun

ACT I
Apne ghar ki chaaar dewari mein he mene apni dunia basaa li thi. Bahar ki dunia mein dikhaawe ki zindagi basar kerke mein thakk si gayi thi. Mera naam kehne ko toh faraz tha lekin apne doston ke liye mein Farzana thi. Meri unglion ki ginti ke chund dost thay jin ki wajah se aaj mein zinda hoon. Yeh muaashira meri haqeeqat tha jisse mein jhutla jhutla ker apni chaar dewaari mei rehne lagi.
Faraz Hussein mera naam jis mein se mere waalid Hussein Ali ne mujhe 17 saal ki umer mei apne naam se be dakhal kerdia. Mein unki aankhon mein apne liye sharmindagi ke siwaa kuch na dekh saki. Mere maheji (hormones) ki vajah se mere waalid ne mujhe be inthia gaalian deker ghar se nikaala. Unke mutaabiq mein aik khuaaja sira hoon aur mera kaam sirf mardon ki mehfilon mein mujra dikhana ya sarak ke kinaare bheek mangne ka hay.
Lekin mene khud ko iss kaam se duur rakhne ki apni poori koshish keri aur aazaadi se jeene aur halaal rozi ki koshishon mein apni jaan ka zorr lagaaya.
Ghar se nikal ker mene Edhi centre mein jagah paali. Wahan per mene apni zameer ki khaatir sirf jagah aur rizk ka bandobast nahi kera, balke uss chat aur rizk ke badle mein meine wahan nokri bhi haasil kerli. Do wakt ghussal khaane ki safaayi aur chohtay na samjh maasoom bachon ke kapre dhone ka kaam mein ne apni zimeedari per lia aur aahista aahista apni jama kunji se Govt. college mein daakhila leker B.com ki parhayi kerne lagi.
Uss chaar dewaari mein main akeli na thi. Mere saath mere he jaisa aik aur shakss Danial bhi tha. Danial ki shakshiyat mujhse kaafi mukhtalif thi. Usski mushaida (observation) iss qadar tezz ke who kuch lamhaat kisi se baat kerle toh pehchaan le ke goya uss shakss ke dil mein usske liye buraai hay ya achaayi. Danial khud ko kabhi kisi mard ki najaayiz khuaishon se takleef na puhachata. Khuda per usska emaan mere nazdeek hum sab mein sabse ziaada tha. Who aik pak shakss aur ebaadat guzaar banda tha. Usske dil mein kia chupha tha usska mujhe kabhi andaza na hosaka. Danial khud ko Dolly ke naam se pukaarne kehta tha. Usska yeh naam mere, Ali aur Fahad ke ilaawa koi nahi jaanta tha.
Ali aur Fahad hamare saath sarkari idaare mei kaam kerte thay. Kaam ke baad hum chaaron Fahad ke ghar beth ker shugal lagaate. Ali mazaakh mazaakh mein Dolly ko aankhein maarta aur Dolly Ali ka haath pakar ker kehti yeh mera mizaaji khuda hay. Dolly aur mein kisi bhi gair ke saamne apne jinss ka raaz faash na kerte. Bahar ki dunia mein Dolly aik qaabil accountant ki hesiyat se pehchaani jaati thi aur Danial (Dolly) ki udhar sab izzat kerte thay.
Lekin kahein andar he andar mein khud ke iss raaz ko chupaa ker thakk si gayi thi. Mein azaadi se jeena chaahti chaahti thi. Mein nahi chaahti thi ke iss dikhaawe ki zindagi mein he khud ko dafan kerdoon. Mein apni suchayi se hamesha duur bhaagti rahi. Mera manna tha ke jab mere Khuda ne mujhe aysa banaya toh yeh muaashira yeh log yeh dunia kon hay jo mujhe tanqeed kere. Mein ne kabhi khud ko apne jese baaki logon ki tarah na dekha, na banaya, na sajaya. Lekin phir bhi mein apni suchayi logon ko bataane se katraati rahi.

ACT II
Her roz ki tarah aaj sham bhi hum chaaron dost Fahad ke ghar shugal lagaane bethe thay. Ali nashon ka aadi tha. Nashay ki haalat mein rehna usske liye maamool ki aadat thi. Lekin aaj who kuch sehma sehma sa betha tha. Uski khaamoshi mujhe kaat rahi thi. Dolly samajh gayi thi ke Ali ko koi baat pareshan ker rahi hay. Lekin Ali apni jhoot muskarahat ke peeche ussey chupaata raha. Dolly ne baton baton mein uss se jaanna chaaha lekin Ali ki khaamoshi usske labon aur chehre per qaayim rahi. Uss roz ki tarah hum sab der raat tak jaag ker sone chale gaye.
Agle din kaam ke doraan office mein aik phone call aaya jisse sun ker mein aik pal ke liye sakte mein aagayi. Ali civil hospital mein admit tha. Usske sir per aik gehri zakham aayi thi. Mujhe kuch andaaza na tha ke yeh sab kese paish aaya. Apna saara kaam chorh ker mein Hospital rawaana hui. Ali ki haalat dekh ker mein andar he andar tooth si rahi thi. Fahad aur Dolly bhi thori he der mein vahaan aa puhacnhe. Fahad ke aane se mujhe kuch tasalli si hone lagi.
Ali ke hosh aane per Ali ne kamzori ki haalat mein Police officers ko bataya ke ussne apne business ke liye Malik jo sheher ka aik sayaasi party se taaluq rakhne waala gundaa hay, uss se 10 lac ropay naqad udhar liye thay aur wakt ki muhlat khatam hone ke baawajood who raqam vaapas na kersaka. Police ne Ali ka bayaan lene se inkaar kerdia. Police waalay bhi Malik ki dehshat se darrte thay.
Ali thori thori der se apna hosh khota raha. Usske sir per zakham bohot gehra tha. Hum Khuda se usski sehetyaabi ki dua kerte rahe.
Agle din Malik ke gundaay Hospital puhanch gaye aur hamain darra dhamkate rahe ke do din mein humne raqam ka bandobast na kia toh Ali hamaare beech na reh sake ga aur usske saath hamain bhi who chain se jeene na denge. Yeh museebat hamare liye kisi qayamat se kum na thi. Apni apni jamaa kunji se humne saarhe 4 lac ropay ka bandobast toh kerlia lekin baaki ki raqam hum jamaa na kersake.
Dolly bhi meri tarah andar he andar tooth rahi thi. Fahad hamain tassali deta raha. Danial hum sab mein sabse ziaada kamzor tha. Ussey darr tha ke Malik ke gunday Ali ki jaan na le lein. Danial (Dolly) ne kabhi iss baat ko zaahir na kera ke ussey Ali pasand tha lekin Ali ki yeh haalat dekh ker who khaamosh na reh saki aur Ali ke kareeb beth ker ussne hamain yeh baat bata di.
Ali ki haalat roz ba roz tashweesh naak hoti rahi. Saarhe 4 lac ropay ki adaayigi ke baad hamaare paas Ali ke ilaaj ke liye raqam na hone ke barabar puhanch gayi thi. Saarhe 4 lac ropay ki adaayigi ke baad Malik ne hamain aik hafte ki muhlat aur dedi thi.

ACT III
Agli raat Danial baaki ki raqam ke saath hamaare paas aa puhacnha. Woh raqam ussne kahan se jamaa keri thi usska hamain kuch andaaza na tha. Hamare bar bar poochne ke baad bhi ussne hamain kuch na bataya. Hum baaki ki raqam adaa kerne ke liye Malik ke adday ja puhanche. Malik ke bande baaki ki raqam ko gin rahay thay aur hum aik taraf khare thay ke itne mein aik awaaz hamaari kaanon main aayi jisne hamain andar he andar pareshani mein daal dia. “ARAY DOLLY TU IDHAR? TERE AASHIQ KI HAALAT AB KESI HAY? AUR RAQAM CHAAIYE HOU TOH MERE PAAS AAJ KI RAAT BHI AAJANA!” Yeh sunna he tha ke hamare pairon ke tallay zameen si khisak gayi. Who Danial jisne kabhi kisi mard ko khud ka istimaal na kerne dia woh aaj iss maqaam per aagaya ke ussne Ali ke liye apni izzat bhi qurban ker di.
Danial ne baaki ki raqam ke liye Malik ka aik dost Sheikh Ibrahim, jo Khuaja Sirahon ka shoqeen, jiske Khuaaja sira sheher ke raees logon ki mehfilon mein mujra dikhaate, uss Sheikh Ibrahim ko apni izzat de daali.
Danial ka yeh such hamaare saamne aaya toh woh wahein apne hosh kho betha. Mujhe kuch samjh na aaraha tha ke yeh qayamat hum per kyun aagayi thi ke itne he der me hospital se aik call aayi aur hum foran hospital ki jaanib rawaana hue. Wahan puhacnhe toh hamari zindagi aik dozakh si bann gayi. Ali hum sab ko chorh ker iss dunia se jaa chukka tha. Ali ki mout ki khabar sun ker Danial sakte mein aagaya aur jese kahein apni he dunia mein kahein ghum hogia.
Kayii dino tak Danial na hum se mila na usski koi khabar mili. Ussne nokri bhi chordi thi aur apna ghar bhi. Aik din Fahad ki call per mein sheher ke aik ayse ilaaqe mei puhacnha jisse log Heera mandi keh ker pukaarte thay. Fahad mujhe aik kamre mein legaya jisse dekh ker mein yeh sochta raha kyun iss muaashire mein azaadi se jeena mujh jese logon ke liye sahi nahi. Kyun ghutt ghutt ker jeena he mera naseeb hay. Meri woh dost jo kal tak kisi gair mard ko khud ko choohne na deti thi, aaj who sheher ke aik sabse kharab jagah per aurton ke kapron mein khud ko sajaaye khare gaahiko (clients) ko pukaar rahi thi
“AEY BARRE SAHAB, 3000 KE 2, JHUKUUN KIA? “

Author
Shaheer Gharay